Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
