Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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