Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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