Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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