stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
