those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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