What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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