she was so not down for the gang bang
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
