you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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