The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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