So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
