Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh god it's open bar.
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