I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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