Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
