So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
