I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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