you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The beer is more important than you right now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
