i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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