Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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