I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
