I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
