come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
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