He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
In America we eat man semen.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
