she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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