I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
