I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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