Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
