Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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