I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
