I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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