just come out here and I will go home with you...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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