They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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