its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
