I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
