I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
