Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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