wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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