I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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