why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
not ubering you a puppy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize