Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
