We're like a lot better than the average bears
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
