It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
