Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
