aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
