I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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