M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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