Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
