I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
