We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
