he wants to bone in the snuggie
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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