Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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