Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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