all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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