I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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