Even the bartender felt bad for me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
