U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
