and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
