kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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