Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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