I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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