i barfeds in our rink
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
