some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
